KIMOJI Upgrade

Listen up! There is a new and important update in regards to texting and emojis! Remember not too long ago when the Kardashian emoji’s were released? Did you ever ask yourself, ‘This is absolutely worthwhile, but is there any way we could make this even more unnecessary?’ If so, you’re in luck. The KIMOJI app has been upgraded and now offers emojis that move. You heard me.

So now we all have access to things such as animated Kim backing it up, drinking tea, swinging around a stripper pole, and hitting someone in the face repeatedly with a purse. You know, just the essentials. You never know when a situation may rise when the only proper response is Kim K’s stupid animated hand making it rain while also wearing a fur coat.

Not to mention, my personal favorites, candy hearts with various sayings on them. In case you need to send sweet nothings to your significant other this Valentine’s Day.

“Well, now how do we get these emojis all to ourselves?” It pleases me to tell you that I have been given exclusive access to the app as well as very specific instructions on how to download it properly, so make sure you pay close attention. All you need to do is turn your cell phone off completely. Next, charge your phone until it reaches 100 percent battery life. Then you may turn your phone back on, but make sure you have the volume set to vibrate only (NOT silent). Now, take your phone outside and stand in the street…for about five minutes. It is at this point where you will wait for the nearest car to hit you (remember, the bigger the vehicle the faster the app works). If you live in a rural area with few cars don’t worry. Be proactive and find the car yourself. There’s no such thing as over-commitment here.

Just kidding. Just go to the App Store like a human adult.

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