Return Of What?

Allow me to introduce you to Daryush Valizadeh. He is a self-proclaimed neo-masculinist and anti-feminist. Valizadeh currently operates a website called Return of Kings. The site primarily operates as a way to for likeminded people to come together to sulk in each other’s insecurity and farts. They really are welcoming of everyone. Like there is so much diversity on their page. Look! A straight white guy! Look! A slightly older straight white guy! Look! A bla… oh, wait that’s just the camera quality.

Daryush has written numerous articles. Some of his most memorable pieces include topics such as how to be more macho, the transgender movement being horror story, and why women with eating disorders make the best girlfriends. He has recently begun to compose lists targeting individual groups of women right HERE. [It is also important to note that while I was looking at the latter article a pop-up appeared that read: “Free 9-Page Dating Text Message Guide-sign up today!” If you can’t figure out how to text by the end of the first page there’s a larger issue at hand here.] His most recent one was in regard to Swedish women and how their desire to work makes them stupid.

Okay, we get it… he’s an asshole. What’s the point here, Christine? Well buckle up because this one’s a fast ride right on down to hell. Valizadeh is now motioning for a change in law. His law would state that if a man brings a woman to his home and rapes her it should be legal because it is on his property. LEGAL. RAPE. What’s that? You’re right… let’s all take a lap and come back. Oh, and here’s something to help calm you down in the meantime:

Aaaaaand exhale. What happened to this “man” (ha) in his life to cause him to be this fearful of people different than him? Is he just going to run every time he crosses paths with a gay man or a woman outside of the house? “Ahh!” *Throws book* “Not like this!” *Runs away*

Good point. He doesn’t read. Man, that was giving him too much credit. How about we sub book for Rockstar energy drinks and beef jerky? That’s better.

Why do I feel like he has a picture in his wallet of a girl he liked back in high school and got rejected by? He just cringes and hears a faint buzz whenever someone says the name Hannah. He has got to have a 98 degrees cd he burned, but has it labeled as Kid Rock somewhere around his house. You can find it if you can see your way through the clouds of AXE body spray.

There are rallies organized in different countries for Return of Kings members to protest this call (cry) to action as soon as tomorrow. As you can imagine there are various social justice organizations and groups of people planning to show up to protest against these confused souls as well. Who knows? Perhaps his group is actually just made up of individuals who managed to escape their mental health wards and have an extremely keen eye for locating each other.

Openly classifying a person whom used to not hold power in the eyes of society that is now currently able to speak their mind and positively influence others as dangerous is selfish, ill-informed, and arrogant. Stop children. We can all have a piece of candy if we wait our turn. I am a woman. I am writing this article right now. You can find me listening to Beyoncé and reading my book written by Lena Dunham while watching Inside Amy Schumer. Is this scaring him? I hope so. That just means it’s working.


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