We as a society love holidays. There’s Halloween- candy, costumes, and parties. Awesome. There’s Thanksgiving- mass amounts of food, football, and beer. Yes. There’s Christmas- bright lights, presents, and family. Great. Then there’s some not so exciting holidays such as Groundhog Day and Flag Day. Call me crazy, but I don’t ever recall anyone being particularly excited and ready to turn up because of Arbor Day.
We will never see a bunch of Fraternity bros around a kegger and beer pong because it’s Earth Day. This will never be a thing: “Come in guys, Trey’s in the kitchen making green and blue jello shots.” “I’m just really happy to recycle.” Just no.
My point here is that we already have a balance between the “fun” holidays and those on the more serious side of things. So why is it now whenever we turn on our televisions or computers we’re forced to stare at some other mini holiday (i.e. Sweet Tea day, Chicken Sandwich Day)? STAHP! Mood: a group of overly enthusiastic pre-school teachers trying to get their non-receptive children excited about eating peas. They don’t want the peas, SHELLY!
Here’s a fun sampling at what this week has to offer us: Yesterday was National Toothache Day. Question…Are we to celebrate if we have a toothache or are we supposed to acquire a toothache in order to celebrate? Today is National Home Warranty Day. Your washing machine just broke, girl? Good. Let’s party. Tomorrow is National Shut-In Visitation Day. BUT Friday, though. FRIDAY is…ready for it… National Plum Pudding Day. Can’t they just combine the last two into one since the only people eating Plum Pudding are probably also shut-ins? Just a thought.
Whose job is it to sit there and come up with these? Their work description reads something to the effect of: Creates virtually pointless reasons to celebrate. Selfishly takes up people’s time. Tries to fill hole in own life. They should just team up with the person who creates paint color names. Here’s a fun list to get them started: Lukewarm Soup, Hoverboard Malfunction, and Slightly Racist. Is it a National Holiday? I don’t know. Is it a paint color? Maybe. See. Two Birds. You’re welcome Prescott and Trixie (that’s what I’d like to believe their names are).